Fear of rejection stops most guys at the first hurdle. They see a beautiful girl, freeze up wondering what to say, and then do nothing. If you manage to get past that stage and actually talk to her, or your lucky enough to introduced to a girl at a social event, you’re going to have to push past your fear of rejection to move on to the next step. Unless you’re going to take her home that night, you’re going to need her number.

My guess is if you meet a girl you like and you want her phone number, you do one of two things:

1. Nothing – You worry that she’ll say no, so you don’t ask
2. You fluff arond asking her for her number awkwardly

If you’re like most guys, you probably do nothing. It’s OK – we all worry about being rejected. But if you really want to improve your dating life you’re going to have to man up and face the fear. If she says “no” nothing bad will happen, apart from maybe a little knock to your ego.

I’d love to tell you there’s a magic way to ensure that every girl will say yes. There isn’t, sorry – life’s a bitch, eh? If you want to be a bit smoother than asking “Can I have your phone number?” here’s what I usually do. Let’s imagine I’m at a bar, I’ve been talking to a girl for 15 minutes and I think she might be interested:

Me: “Hey, I have to get back to my friends, they’ll think you’ve kidnapped me or something. Been good talking to you”.
Her: (laughing) “Yes, you too”
Me: “You’re fun – we should have a drink together another time”
Her: “OK. Erm, give me your number and I’ll call you”

(Note: If you’ve done a good job earlier, she’ll often offer you her number at this point. I’ve assumed here this girl hasn’t)

Me: “haha, you’ll never call – you’re a girl. You’ll get all shy and embarrassed and wonder what to say. Tell you what, we’ll swap”
Her: “sure”

It really doesn’t need to be more difficult to that. Getting her phone number should not be your goal. You want her to be excited about the thought of seeing you again. if she is, exhanging phone numbers becomes automatic.

Finally, I like to save my number in her phone as something funny like “Darren, hot guy from X bar”. When I call her over the next couple of days, it will appear on her screen and she’ll laugh as she remembers the good time we had talking in the bar.

Remember, you won’t get anywhere without asking. What have you got to lose?

Photo by hessiebell

So that you don’t end up like Mikey in Swingers, here are a few tips to make sure that the phone numbers you get turn into dates.

Set up the call properly

When you take her number, make sure she has your number saved in her phone too. That way, she’ll know it’s you when you call. Some people don’t answer calls from unknown numbers, so don’t give her that reason not to answer your call.

I like to save my number in her phone as something funny like “Darren Hot Guy Bar X.” It’ll make her laugh and put her in a good mood as your name flashes up on her mobile when you call.

Leave it a day or two to call

Remember, girls like men who have options. You don’t want her to feel like her number is the first girl’s number you’ve got in months, even if it is. Bide your time, and leave it 24-48 hours before you call. Don’t leave it much longer though, you don’t want her to forget who you are.

Call her on a high

Let’s say you’ve taken a girl’s phone number and been thinking about calling her all day. Your mind starts to play tricks with you:

“What if she doesn’t answer?”

“What if she can’t remember who I am?”

“What will I say to her?”

Thoughts like this will end with you making a mess of thing like Mikey in Swingers.

To get yourself in a better frame of mind before calling, call up two or three of your good friends first, just to catch up. If you have multiple phone numbers from girls, call them all one after the other straight afterwards. You’ll get in a better, more talkative frame of mind as you go on.

End the call first

Similarly to calling too soon, or too often, you don’t want her feeling like you have her on the phone and don’t want to lose her. Keep the call short and light-hearted, and end the call first.

If you’re a bit stuck as to what to say, use a structure something like:

1. “Hi, it’s Darren from the club”
2. Quick fun story about something that happened to you since
3. “I have to run to go meet someone/cook/do something cool (delete as appropriate!). What are your plans on (date in a few days time) or (alternate date)?
4. Cool. Let’s do something on (date). There’s a cool bar I want to check out – I’ll drop you a line to arrange a time
5. End call

The call should be fun and give her a little more of your personality. You should also seem like you’ve got stuff going on in your life (I have to run…..) Giving two alternate dates makes it more likely she’ll be free on one of them. Finally, you should decide where and when you will meet. You’re the man, that’s your job.

What to do if she doesn’t answer

Personally, I tend not to leave voicemail. I prefer to try to call two or three times first, then send a text if I get no response. Some people aren’t that comfortable talking on the phone with people they don’t know so well and you’ll find some girls are more responsive to text messages than phone calls.

Sometimes, you’ll meet girls who seem to be crazy about you, and then never answer their phones. Conversely, some girls that aren’t so responsive will answer straight away and you’ll end up dating for a while. That’s the way it goes and remember, you’ll learn from experience.

Don’t end up like Mikey in Swingers. With a bit of practice you’ll be as smooth on the phone as you are in real life.