Lots of exciting stuff’s been happening over here at The Social Coach though and there’s some great stuff to come your way, so keep reading. Until then, here’s a guest article from my good friend Peter Sheriff over at Love Systems on how to meet women on public transport.

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Hey,
I’m Peter Sheriff, a Senior Instructor for Love Systems. Last weekend I had the pleasure of spending time with Darren (The Social Coach)- my former wing, and a veritable expert on all things dating.

We were talking about dating ‘problems’ that arise for guys based in London – and a recurring one seems to be chatting up girls on The Tube (the subway, for you Americans), or on buses, or at the gym, or really anywhere where you have a girl who’s a captive audience.

If you rush straight in when she first sits down next to you, you can seem a bit too keen, but if you wait until you’ve been sitting next to her for a few minutes, it can look like you’ve been working up the courage to talk to her. Obviously, neither is optimal.

What you want is an approach that combines the best of both worlds – makes you look like you had the balls to talk to her, while not seeming too keen. Here’s the basic formula:

Make a (funny) observational comment as soon as you see her – and then shut up! Reinitiate the conversation a few minutes later, by asking her opinion on something.

You want to get in to a situation where you have SOME dialogue, but you don’t wanna be that guy hitting on her as soon as she sits down. It’s a bit like touching a girl: you want to start doing it early and often in the interaction, so that there’s never an uncomfortable “oh no, we’re getting initimate” moment.

If you’ve not said anything to her, and you’ve been sitting next to her for ten minutes, it’s going to sound a little contrived if I out of the blue start up the conversation by asking her opinion on something. If we have some momentum, it makes it much more natural.

Let’s take some real-world examples. Let’s start off with some generic ‘observational’ comments:

On the tube: “Christ, that’s a huge bag – have you a gun in there?”

On the plan: “Aw, I was going to steal your pillow and blanket and make a nest”

On the bus: (to a girl wearing a huge coat) “Wow, were you expecting a hurricane or something?”

None of this stuff is needy or rapport-seeking – it’s random observations, a little cocky and funny, that don’t need a reply beyond her giggling, or a one word response.

Now sit back, and do other stuff for a little while. If at all possible, talk to other people around you. Look out the window. You’ve broken the ice, it’s not going to look like you were too much of a pussy to talk to her – you’re just going to look not needy. Don’t be dogmatic or weird about this. If she continues the conversation, don’t run away from that, but: otherwise, put some space in.

A few minutes later (or if you’re on a LONG journey, you can wait a bit longer), you can reinitiate the conversation – perhaps ask her opinion on something, or ask her about her day -

On the tube: “The person who was sat there before you tried to convince me to become a Hare Krishna – you’re not a Scientologist are you?”

On the plane: “I’m a terrible flyer, so if I grab on to your arm as we take off, I’d just like to apologise in advance”

On the night bus at 2am: “Been anywhere nice? Let me guess, you’ve been to some trendy Soho bar…”

You’ve started a conversation naturally, without seeming needy, and without seeming like you were working up the courage to talk to her. Like everything Darren teaches, it’s about making small adjustments to your approach to make everything seem natural and flow smoothly, rather than about learning some magical “pickup lines”. But like everything else, it won’t have any effect unless you try it – give it a go today!

photo by Extra Medium

In this article, I’ll break down the nuts and bolts of how to approach a girl you want to chat up. Don’t worry, I’ll include a few things you can say too.

Have an opening line prepared

As I’ve already mentioned, what you say is not nearly as important as you might think. I’ve met and dated girls where I have said the most ridiculous or the most inane things when I first met them. However, when you see that gorgeous girl across the room and you want to talk to her, your heart is pounding and your nerves kick in, I’ll guarantee you that you won’t be able to think of something to say. Sure when she’s gone and you’re left standing their alone, you’ll probably come up with many things you could have said, but it’s too late then isn’t it?

So, the first thing to do is think of something you can use in most situations so that when that situation comes along, you don’t have to think about too much. Here’s what I like to say:

“Hey, you’re gorgeous and I just had to come over and say hello. I’m Darren”

Those are the only words you need to know. Just grab your balls, and go and say it. Simple, eh?

If you’re not feeling quite confident enough to be that direct yet, just ask something simple like “Do you know what time this place is open until?”, or “Do you know any good clubs around here?” It doesn’t need to be any more complicated than that. All you need is something to get over the first hurdle, and get the conversation started.

Now you’ve got at least one opening line prepared, let’s imagine you’re out at a bar enjoying the night and you see a girl that rocks your boat.

Don’t be creepy now

A lot of guys mess up before they’ve even opened their mouths, or before they’ve even got anywhere near the girl. There are a bunch of things I see men do, all with a common theme:

• Looking or staring at her for too long before doing anything
• Getting halfway to her then hovering around nervously before approaching properly
• Trying to force eye contact

There are probably more, but you catch my drift. The common theme is, they all show lack of confidence. And, we know that girls like confident guys, so that’s how you want to look.

So the first rule is, when you see her approach as soon as you can. If for whatever reason something is preventing you from doing this, turn your back and have fun with your friends so you don’t turn into the creepy stare-out guy. Get your head together, then turn back and go straight over to talk to her.

Excude confidence with your body language

I’ve read all kinds of complicated ideas around body language and what it says about you, but I like to keep things simple. When we feel nervous or threatened, we tend to cover a few key parts of our bodies – our face, neck, chest and groin. For instance, we might lower our head, cross our legs together or just angle the centre of ourselves away from the person we’re facing.

To appear confident, all you need to think about is keeping your face, neck, chest and groin open. Handily, they’re in a straight line from top to bottom so shouldn’t be too hard to forget. Imagine a pole running from the ground, through your body to the top of your head, holding you upright and open. Your arms should be comfortably by your sides, and your feet roughly shoulder width apart.

Finally, and possibly most important, smile. Smiling’s contagious, and every girl wants to meet a guy who looks like he’s having fun.

Slow it down

Nervous people tend to talk to quickly – it’s like they’re afraid that if they don’t get to the end of what they’re saying quickly, someone will interrupt them or people will stop listening. If you slow down when you speak and use pauses, it will make you appear much more confident.

Don’t be afraid of a little silence and for her waiting to hear what you’ve got to say. This can create a little tension, and that’s a good thing.

If at first you don’t succeed…

A lot of guys are scared of what will happen if they mess up, so avoid talking to girls that they like. Well, first of all, you have to mess up a few times to get any good.

Secondly, think about it for a minute. What’s the worst thing that can happen? Honestly? She ignores you, or brushes you off maybe? Don’t worry you’ll survive, even if your ego takes a little knock.

I’ll take a look at what to say after you’ve approached soon, but for now, why not go out tonight and see what happens?