I just attended a talk by Dr Peter Brennan, a physiologist from Bristol University who has spent a long while researching and studying this. It was interesting stuff but the bad news is, if you’re hoping a spray will be the solution to success with women, there’s little research to back that up.

The summary of the facts that we know are:

• Some animals do rely largely on pheromones to attract the opposite sex (mice for instance)
• In humans, we simply don’t have the same “receptors” for pheromones (in other words, it doesn’t work for us, although there’s evidence that it might have done thousands of years ago
• Human sense of smell has declined over hundreds and thousands of years, to be replaced by visual and verbal clues of attractiveness
• There is no good scientific basis that pheromone sprays work
• The placebo effect may have some influence (in other words, if you spray youself and believe it makes you more attractive, you might act more attractively

Sorry if you were hopeful….

The same evening saw some good talks from other psychologists and biologists about what men and women look for in a partner, which pretty much back up what I’ve written previously. Guys tend to find physical attributes attractive in women, whereas women are more concerned with behavioural and status traits. The good news for you, are these are things you can learn (don’t forget, if you’re in London you an hire me as a dating coach to find out how.)

photo by alex555

The research involved “morphing” together the faces of women with unusually large feet, then doing the same with women who have small feet. Men were then asked to rate the attractiveness of the women; the face that was formed from the women with small feet was considered much more beautiful.

I found the piece about what women found attractive even more interesting – apparently there were more discrepancies in what the women seemed to want. I’m wondering if this had anything to do with what stage in their menstrual cycles the women were at – another piece of research a few years back found that women will go for different types of men depending on their time of the month. When they’re most fertile, women tend to choose more “masculine” men, who are more likely to provide strong attractive children; when they are at the other end of their cycle they’re more likely to go for the less masculine guy who’s more likely to stick around in the long-term.

Personally, I loved the number 1 lies reported for men and women respectively:

• men: “I didn’t have much to drink”
• women: “Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine”

Nothing surprising there, but still pretty funny to have it “proved” by science.

The article did get me thinking about a common theme I notice in men while I’m teaching them how to meet and attract women. Men (or people generally it would seem) are often afraid to express what they are really feeling, either to protect someone else’s feelings or to protect their own ego.

How many times have you met a girl you liked and nothing’s happened because you didn’t do anything about. Not telling a girl you like her, or not inviting her out for a drink is an avoidance which is as much a lie as trying to pretend you don’t like her (which a lot of guys do to). It’s a lie to yourself to protect your ego and avoid rejection.

Next time you meet a girl you like and have a great conversation, before you leave her look her in the eye, smile and say:

“Hey, it’s been great talking with you, you’re really cool. We should go out for a drink together another time.”

You never know, she might just say yes. If you don’t do it, you’re only lying and cheating yourself.

Among 1,500 women surveyed by Phones 4U Ltd., 54 per cent said they would be likelier to date a man with an iPhone

Admittedly, it was carried out by a cellphone retailer, so it’s in their interest to try to boost sales so was probably quite a biased survey….

A good friend of mine just launched an online store selling height increasing altitude shoes. Here’s the blurb from the site:

Altitude Shoes look and feel like normal shoes but give you between 2-4 inches of extra height for the hidden edge. They are designed so that no one will know the difference. But everyone will feel the difference.

If you find the idea of wearing shoes to make you look taller than you are to be unusual, consider how girls wear push-up bras, make-up, corsets and high heels to make them appear more attractive.

Aside from selling height-enhancing shoes and boots, there are some great free tips on how to look taller. Check it out, there’s some great advice in there.

I’ll be speaking alongside philospoher Robert Rowland Smith and “a special lady who has played a seminal role in the London burlesque scene”.

Tickets are £15 and will be available at Bordello London’s website shortly. Ticket price includes a chance to win a prize and a discount at the store, in case you want to buy something for a special lady in your life!

Look forward to meeting you there.

image by cobalt123

Fear of rejection stops most guys at the first hurdle. They see a beautiful girl, freeze up wondering what to say, and then do nothing. If you manage to get past that stage and actually talk to her, or your lucky enough to introduced to a girl at a social event, you’re going to have to push past your fear of rejection to move on to the next step. Unless you’re going to take her home that night, you’re going to need her number.

My guess is if you meet a girl you like and you want her phone number, you do one of two things:

1. Nothing – You worry that she’ll say no, so you don’t ask
2. You fluff arond asking her for her number awkwardly

If you’re like most guys, you probably do nothing. It’s OK – we all worry about being rejected. But if you really want to improve your dating life you’re going to have to man up and face the fear. If she says “no” nothing bad will happen, apart from maybe a little knock to your ego.

I’d love to tell you there’s a magic way to ensure that every girl will say yes. There isn’t, sorry – life’s a bitch, eh? If you want to be a bit smoother than asking “Can I have your phone number?” here’s what I usually do. Let’s imagine I’m at a bar, I’ve been talking to a girl for 15 minutes and I think she might be interested:

Me: “Hey, I have to get back to my friends, they’ll think you’ve kidnapped me or something. Been good talking to you”.
Her: (laughing) “Yes, you too”
Me: “You’re fun – we should have a drink together another time”
Her: “OK. Erm, give me your number and I’ll call you”

(Note: If you’ve done a good job earlier, she’ll often offer you her number at this point. I’ve assumed here this girl hasn’t)

Me: “haha, you’ll never call – you’re a girl. You’ll get all shy and embarrassed and wonder what to say. Tell you what, we’ll swap”
Her: “sure”

It really doesn’t need to be more difficult to that. Getting her phone number should not be your goal. You want her to be excited about the thought of seeing you again. if she is, exhanging phone numbers becomes automatic.

Finally, I like to save my number in her phone as something funny like “Darren, hot guy from X bar”. When I call her over the next couple of days, it will appear on her screen and she’ll laugh as she remembers the good time we had talking in the bar.

Remember, you won’t get anywhere without asking. What have you got to lose?

Photo by hessiebell

Do any of those sound familiar?

I find a lot of guys make similar excuses when it comes to meeting women.

“I’m too tired tonight”
“I don’t really fancy her that much”
“I’m not wearing my favourite shirt”
“I’m too busy with work”
“I’ll call her tomorrow”

I’ve even heard, multiple times “I don’t like the music in this club” as an excuse not to talk to girls. I’ve never quite figured out how one affects the other, if anyone can tell me I’d be grateful.

What reasons do you give yourself as to why you’re not meeting and dating the girls you’d like to? How many of these are just excuses for not taking action?

When I’m working as a dating coach, I often have clients who are more vertically challenged ask me if their height, or lack of it matters when trying to meet and attract women. So does height really matter? Do women prefer taller men?

My answer would be yes and no. From my experience, if you’re tall it‘s a definite advantage. Tall guys can make a lot more mistakes when they approach girls and get away with it. If you’re over 6 foot tall, you’ll probably get more “interviews” – girls will pay more attention when you first approach while they decide if you’ve got potential or not. So, if you’re tall make the most of it. Stand up straight and be proud of your advantage.

If you’re not lucky enough to have the same stature as a basketball player, don’t worry it’s not all over for you. All things being equal, the girl may go for the taller guy. But, things are not usually equal. While height can be an advantage the fact is that most guys, including the taller ones, are terrible when it comes to women. Instead of worrying about something you can’t change, why not work on the the things that you can affect – improve your overall look, make your approach more confident, work on your body language and flirting skills. Those are the things that will really make a difference.

Finally remember that it’s not necessarily a tall guy the girl is looking for. In most cases, she just wants a guy who is taller than her. Even if you’re 5 feet 5 inches tall, the majority of girls will still be smaller than you.

Now quit complaining, put your platform shoes on and go meet some women.

Lots of exciting stuff’s been happening over here at The Social Coach though and there’s some great stuff to come your way, so keep reading. Until then, here’s a guest article from my good friend Peter Sheriff over at Love Systems on how to meet women on public transport.

————————————————–

Hey,
I’m Peter Sheriff, a Senior Instructor for Love Systems. Last weekend I had the pleasure of spending time with Darren (The Social Coach)- my former wing, and a veritable expert on all things dating.

We were talking about dating ‘problems’ that arise for guys based in London – and a recurring one seems to be chatting up girls on The Tube (the subway, for you Americans), or on buses, or at the gym, or really anywhere where you have a girl who’s a captive audience.

If you rush straight in when she first sits down next to you, you can seem a bit too keen, but if you wait until you’ve been sitting next to her for a few minutes, it can look like you’ve been working up the courage to talk to her. Obviously, neither is optimal.

What you want is an approach that combines the best of both worlds – makes you look like you had the balls to talk to her, while not seeming too keen. Here’s the basic formula:

Make a (funny) observational comment as soon as you see her – and then shut up! Reinitiate the conversation a few minutes later, by asking her opinion on something.

You want to get in to a situation where you have SOME dialogue, but you don’t wanna be that guy hitting on her as soon as she sits down. It’s a bit like touching a girl: you want to start doing it early and often in the interaction, so that there’s never an uncomfortable “oh no, we’re getting initimate” moment.

If you’ve not said anything to her, and you’ve been sitting next to her for ten minutes, it’s going to sound a little contrived if I out of the blue start up the conversation by asking her opinion on something. If we have some momentum, it makes it much more natural.

Let’s take some real-world examples. Let’s start off with some generic ‘observational’ comments:

On the tube: “Christ, that’s a huge bag – have you a gun in there?”

On the plan: “Aw, I was going to steal your pillow and blanket and make a nest”

On the bus: (to a girl wearing a huge coat) “Wow, were you expecting a hurricane or something?”

None of this stuff is needy or rapport-seeking – it’s random observations, a little cocky and funny, that don’t need a reply beyond her giggling, or a one word response.

Now sit back, and do other stuff for a little while. If at all possible, talk to other people around you. Look out the window. You’ve broken the ice, it’s not going to look like you were too much of a pussy to talk to her – you’re just going to look not needy. Don’t be dogmatic or weird about this. If she continues the conversation, don’t run away from that, but: otherwise, put some space in.

A few minutes later (or if you’re on a LONG journey, you can wait a bit longer), you can reinitiate the conversation – perhaps ask her opinion on something, or ask her about her day -

On the tube: “The person who was sat there before you tried to convince me to become a Hare Krishna – you’re not a Scientologist are you?”

On the plane: “I’m a terrible flyer, so if I grab on to your arm as we take off, I’d just like to apologise in advance”

On the night bus at 2am: “Been anywhere nice? Let me guess, you’ve been to some trendy Soho bar…”

You’ve started a conversation naturally, without seeming needy, and without seeming like you were working up the courage to talk to her. Like everything Darren teaches, it’s about making small adjustments to your approach to make everything seem natural and flow smoothly, rather than about learning some magical “pickup lines”. But like everything else, it won’t have any effect unless you try it – give it a go today!

photo by Extra Medium