The Social Coach

Often when I’m contacted by guys who are a little older, they worry that they are too old to improve their success with women. Sometimes they think are too old for women to be attracted to them at all.

I’ll be 33 a little later this year and people often think I am older than I am. I’m starting to lose my hair and the effects of too many cigarettes and too much alcohol in my twenties is starting to show through. But, I still manage to meet gorgeous girls who are often considerably younger than I am. In fact, I sometimes find that meeting and attracting women becomes easier the older I get.

If your age worries you, here are a few thoughts to set your mind at rest:

An old dog can learn new tricks

I hate the phrase “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. My father was 70 this year and started to use a computer when he was 65. He now happily surfs the web, sends emails, using internet banking and books his holidays online.

The problem you may have as you get older is that your ego won’t allow you to learn new things. You like to think that you’re now an authority on everything in life and should be giving advice rather than receiving it. If you can allow yourself to let that feeling go, you can take on new skills quite easily.

Evolution says older men are more attractive

According to evolutionary psychologists, while men look for women who are younger and therefore more fertile, women tend to be attracted to men who have status. In The Evolution of Desire, David Buss asks the question “What do women want“? and comes up with things like status, financial security and dependency. Well lucky for you if your older, as these are the kind of things we gain with age.

In hunter-gatherer societies the older men tend to get the younger, more attractive women. Older women who are still single or separated and are seen as “past their prime” have to make do with the younger men who are yet to achieve high status. Cougar anyone?

Even in our society, it’s pretty normal for women to want a man who’s at least a bit older than them. If in doubt the “half your age plus seven” rule is usually considered socially acceptable. I wouldn’t mind dating a 27 year old when I’m 40, would you?

Don’t use age as an excuse

Be honest with yourself – if you’ve ever thought “I’m too old to learn how to meet women”, do you really believe it or is it just an excuse not to do something about it? I’d take a bet at the latter. Get out there and meet some new women – they’ll likely be attracted to the life experience and confidence your age has given you.

Tags: age, common mistakes, dating

I was looking for some new Spotify playlists last night, when I came across “Aural Contraceptive: Music it’s impossible to have sex to“.

Anyone want to take the challenge and prove them wrong?

Tags: music, spotify

So, you managed to pluck up the courage to approach a girl you liked, it went well and she gave you her phone number. Now you’re you’re not sure what to do and you’re worried about messing things up. Here’s some advice to make sure your first date goes smoothly.

Before we start, you’re going to need to set things up. If you’re not sure how, check out my article on what to do after getting a girl’s phone number.

Avoid the dinner date

If your idea of a first date is to arrive with flowers and then whisk her away to an expensive restaurant, time to think again. The first time you meet it’s best to do something simple and fun, where there’s plenty of opportunity for you to talk and get to know each other and hopefully build some sort of emotional connection. Personally, I like to just go for a drink in a decent bar or pub, or even just for a coffee.

Ideally, you want an environment that allows you to easily talk, where there isn’t the pressure of it being a “date”. If you can pick a venue that you’re familiar with even better, as it will help you to relax as you work your magic.

Be the man and lead

The type of men women are attracted to are not afraid to make decisions and are willing to take the lead. When you call her to arrange to meet, and while you’re on the date, make sure you have a plan in mind of what you’re going to do. She’ll be more attracted to you if you show you can take the lead, and if you have a plan, you’ll feel more confident and find it easier to relax and be yourself.

Be your (best) self

While you may like her good looks and amazing body, she’ll want to feel some kind of emotional connection with you in order for things start to progress further. If you hide your true self, she’ll likely see through you and realise you are not the person you’re pretending to be.

That said, no need to tell her all about how the last five dates you had went terribly, or how you still take your clothes to your mother’s house to be washed and ironed. Be yourself, but let her see the best side of who you are. She can find out about the your more annoying habits a bit later on….

Touchy, touchy

If you want to be in with a chance of kissing her at some point in the evening, it’s better start getting physical as early as you can. The sooner you get comfortable invading each other’s personal space, the less awkward it will feel when you go for the kiss.

Try to pick a date venue where you can sit side by side instead of across each other on a table, as this will make it easier to be tactile with each other. Start slowly, touching her hand or arm as you talk and build up a little as she seems comfortable with you.

Finish on a high

If it’s your first date, she may well not be ready to go home with you just yet. That’s OK, but make sure you finish the date at a high point so that she’s looking forward to the next time she sees you. Assuming you do, you could well be doing a lot more than kissing on your second date….

Tags: dating

I just got sent this great article from The Onion. OK, it’s a funny article but the reason it’s funny is there are so many guys who have had this experience. Be honest with yourself – is there a girl or girls that you like that you’ve become friends with and secretly hope that one day she’ll stop dating assholes and start dating you?

Time to admit it to yourself. It’s not going to happen. Time to make some changes in the way you act around women, get out there and meet some new women.

Tags: common mistakes, dating, the onion