The Social Coach

You’ve been there many times before – after plucking up the courage to approach a girl, you seem to be getting on fine, but you’re not completely sure she’s really into you. Wouldn’t it be great if you could tell a girl likes you every time?

Working as a professional dating coach, I’m often researching what advice is out there for guys, but recently I took a look at the other side of the coin – what kind of advice do girls look for online?

At the time of writing there are 108 million results for “How to get a guy to notice you”, 32 million results for “How to get a guy to approach you” and a massive 122 million results for “How to get a guy to ask you out on a date”. It would seem that girls are crying out for advice on how to get guys to take notice, talk to them and ask them out. And what do you do, in most cases? Nothing.

There are a bunch of signals girls will sometimes give off so that you can tell that she is interested, but not all girls are so good at this. Here’s my advice. Next time you’re talking to a girl, if she hasn’t run away and seems to be having a good time, there’s a good chance she might like you. What have you got to lose by asking for her number and suggesting you go out for a drink together? After all you wouldn’t want her to go home lonely to search for advice on how she can get the next guy to ask her out, would you?

Tags: common mistakes, confidence, dating, female psychology

I was just watching one of my favourite movies, The Tao of Steve. In case you haven’t seen it, it’s a comedy about an overweight, underachieving guy who has developed a system for seducing women. It’s pretty funny, I’d recommend you watch it. Take a look at this clip and then read my thoughts below on how the “Tao” has some truth if you want to get good at dating women.

OK, it’s a comedy and not real-life but if you want to attract quality women, there is some relevance to this. “The Tao of Steve” has three rules:

1. Be desireless
2. Be excellent
3. Be gone

In this clip the protagonist, Dex, is explaining Rule number 3 – be gone. He sums it up in a quote from Martin Heidegger, the German Philosopher:

“We pursue that which retreats from us.”

Before you start taking this too literally, I’m not saying you should start running away from the girls you’re attracted to. But, if you meet a girl and it’s too obvious that you’re attracted and are you seem like you’ll be an “easy catch” for her, you probably want to rethink your approach. Here’s a few quick things you can start with straight away.

Don’t compliment her too much, or too early on

If she’s physically attractive, she’s likely to know that already. She probably also gets told how hot she is by several guys every day, as well as being ogled at as she walks down the street. Don’t be that guy. If you want to let her know that you dig her without appearing too needy, find one non-physical thing you like about her and tell her that, sincerely. Just don’t overdo it.

Always leave on a high

A lot of guys make the mistake of approaching a girl in the street or in a bar, getting on well and then hanging around for too long in the hope that something might happen. If it’s clear that things are not going any further there and then, be the first to cut things short and leave. Make sure you have her phone number first of course….

Don’t phone her every day

As a general rule with phoning girls, leave it at least a day, preferably two days before you call her. If you’re not sure what to say, read my article on what to say when you phone a girl. Never phone her more than once every two or three days at the most. And always be the first to end the call.

Don’t be too eager when you kiss

When guys kiss a girl the first time, many fall into the trap of franticallly trying to get more and more physical, just short of clubbing her over the head and dragging her back to their cave. Better to kiss her well, then push her away just when she’s enjoying it a bit too much. Teasing is a good thing. Overeagerness isn’t.

So, if you’re ever in doubt of what to do next time you meet a cute girl, just remember the three rules from the Tao of Steve – be desireless, be excellent, and be gone.

Tags: common mistakes, dating, female psychology, Tao of Steve

Everyone has Facebook these days and it’s one the easiest ways you can increase your success with dating and women. I’m not suggesting you should meet new girls on Facebook, but it is a great tool to build a connection with women that you meet in real life and ensure that they’re attracted to you.

Before you start a sexual relationship with a women, she’s likely to want to know a bit more about you to make sure that you’re the right kind of guy. Your Facebook page is one of the best ways to let her know that you’re exactly the kind of man that she wants to meet.

Here are a few quick tips that you can use right away to help you meet, attract and date women using Facebook.

What does your Facebook page say about you?

Take a moment to have a look at your Facebook page and imagine that you are a stranger looking at it for the first time. What first impressions does it give about the kind of person you are?

Are there photos of you doing cool things, being around other women and generally having fun?

Are your status updates funny, positive and suggest that you are successful and having a good time?

Are there lots of comments from friends, particularly female friends on your wall?

If not, time to do some editing. Make sure the photos you have uploaded and the ones you’re tagged in display you in the best light. Every so often, make a cool comment on a female friend’s wall – they will often comment back, giving you a nice bit of “social proof“. Also, remember if you change something like your profile picture or upload something new, it appears in other people’s news feeds and they are more likely to think of you and make a comment

Are you on Facebook?

Sometimes when you meet a new girl, especially if you have limited time to talk initially, it can feel a bit awkward to ask for her phone number. An easier way is to ask “Are you on Facebook?” It’s unlikely that she isn’t, and it will be a lot easier to get her to add you on Facebook than take her number if she doesn’t know you so well.

Now that you’ve made your Facebook page look great with cool photos and several girls commenting on your page, when she logs on and takes a look at you, there’s a good chance she’s going to want to get to know you better.

Don’t just stay an online friend

Once you have a new girl as a “Facebook friend”, make sure you don’t stay just that. Drop her a message soon after meeting (I’d stick to a similar rule as when dealing with girls by phone. Leave it a day or two, but not much longer).

Rather than going straight into asking her out, send her a note telling her something cool that’s happened to you and add a question at the end which allows her to respond. Something like “Hey, had a great weekend – On Sunday the funniest thing happened….XYZ…. How was yours? Dx” That way, you get a conversation going without appearing over-eager. On your next message, suggest meeting up.

Assuming she says yes, if you don’t have her number already, keep it simple with “Great, I’m on 444-444-444. And you?”

One of the key secrets to attracting and dating women is to always put your best self on display. This works in the real world and online – think of your Facebook page as an advertisement for who you are, it may help you to score some extra dates.

Tags: Facebook, meeting women, online dating, social proof

If you’re into internet dating, better be sure the person you’re emailing is who they say they are.Otherwise you could fall for the same trap that Fidel Castro’s son, Antonio Castro did.

Personally, I much prefer to meet women in real life, but if you are into meeting women online, probably better to move your virtual relationship into the real world as soon as you can to avoid disappointment…

Tags: funny, internet dating, online dating