The Social Coach

Yesterday, the BBC published an article on how tall men lead ‘better lives’. Interestingly, tall men are often seen to be more attractive to women, as a result prompting some men to lie about their height on dating websites.

When I’m working as a dating coach, I often have clients who are more vertically challenged ask me if their height, or lack of it matters when trying to meet and attract women. So does height really matter? Do women prefer taller men?

My answer would be yes and no. From my experience, if you’re tall it‘s a definite advantage. Tall guys can make a lot more mistakes when they approach girls and get away with it. If you’re over 6 foot tall, you’ll probably get more “interviews” – girls will pay more attention when you first approach while they decide if you’ve got potential or not. So, if you’re tall make the most of it. Stand up straight and be proud of your advantage.

If you’re not lucky enough to have the same stature as a basketball player, don’t worry it’s not all over for you. All things being equal, the girl may go for the taller guy. But, things are not usually equal. While height can be an advantage the fact is that most guys, including the taller ones, are terrible when it comes to women. Instead of worrying about something you can’t change, why not work on the the things that you can affect – improve your overall look, make your approach more confident, work on your body language and flirting skills. Those are the things that will really make a difference.

Finally remember that it’s not necessarily a tall guy the girl is looking for. In most cases, she just wants a guy who is taller than her. Even if you’re 5 feet 5 inches tall, the majority of girls will still be smaller than you.

Now quit complaining, put your platform shoes on and go meet some women.

When I started this blog, I promised I wouldn’t write a “sorry I haven’t posted for a while” post and here we are – sorry I haven’t posted for a while….

Lots of exciting stuff’s been happening over here at The Social Coach though and there’s some great stuff to come your way, so keep reading. Until then, here’s a guest article from my good friend Peter Sheriff over at Love Systems on how to meet women on public transport.

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Hey,
I’m Peter Sheriff, a Senior Instructor for Love Systems. Last weekend I had the pleasure of spending time with Darren (The Social Coach)- my former wing, and a veritable expert on all things dating.

We were talking about dating ‘problems’ that arise for guys based in London – and a recurring one seems to be chatting up girls on The Tube (the subway, for you Americans), or on buses, or at the gym, or really anywhere where you have a girl who’s a captive audience.

If you rush straight in when she first sits down next to you, you can seem a bit too keen, but if you wait until you’ve been sitting next to her for a few minutes, it can look like you’ve been working up the courage to talk to her. Obviously, neither is optimal.

What you want is an approach that combines the best of both worlds – makes you look like you had the balls to talk to her, while not seeming too keen. Here’s the basic formula:

Make a (funny) observational comment as soon as you see her – and then shut up! Reinitiate the conversation a few minutes later, by asking her opinion on something.

You want to get in to a situation where you have SOME dialogue, but you don’t wanna be that guy hitting on her as soon as she sits down. It’s a bit like touching a girl: you want to start doing it early and often in the interaction, so that there’s never an uncomfortable “oh no, we’re getting initimate” moment.

If you’ve not said anything to her, and you’ve been sitting next to her for ten minutes, it’s going to sound a little contrived if I out of the blue start up the conversation by asking her opinion on something. If we have some momentum, it makes it much more natural.

Let’s take some real-world examples. Let’s start off with some generic ‘observational’ comments:

On the tube: “Christ, that’s a huge bag – have you a gun in there?”

On the plan: “Aw, I was going to steal your pillow and blanket and make a nest”

On the bus: (to a girl wearing a huge coat) “Wow, were you expecting a hurricane or something?”

None of this stuff is needy or rapport-seeking – it’s random observations, a little cocky and funny, that don’t need a reply beyond her giggling, or a one word response.

Now sit back, and do other stuff for a little while. If at all possible, talk to other people around you. Look out the window. You’ve broken the ice, it’s not going to look like you were too much of a pussy to talk to her – you’re just going to look not needy. Don’t be dogmatic or weird about this. If she continues the conversation, don’t run away from that, but: otherwise, put some space in.

A few minutes later (or if you’re on a LONG journey, you can wait a bit longer), you can reinitiate the conversation – perhaps ask her opinion on something, or ask her about her day -

On the tube: “The person who was sat there before you tried to convince me to become a Hare Krishna – you’re not a Scientologist are you?”

On the plane: “I’m a terrible flyer, so if I grab on to your arm as we take off, I’d just like to apologise in advance”

On the night bus at 2am: “Been anywhere nice? Let me guess, you’ve been to some trendy Soho bar…”

You’ve started a conversation naturally, without seeming needy, and without seeming like you were working up the courage to talk to her. Like everything Darren teaches, it’s about making small adjustments to your approach to make everything seem natural and flow smoothly, rather than about learning some magical “pickup lines”. But like everything else, it won’t have any effect unless you try it – give it a go today!

photo by Extra Medium

Tags: approaching, meeting women, public transport

According to a recent scientific study, women are becoming better looking. Apparently, good looking women have more children and the more physically attractive the couple are, the more likely it is they will have daughters. So over time, the number of attractive women increases.

Great news for us guys!

Tags: evolution, women

Guys are always asking me what they should say to attract women. The truth is, often it’s not so important what you say, it’s how you say it that’s important.

One of the easiest ways you can make yourself appear more attractive to women is by improving your body language. A study at UCLA showed that 93 per cent of communication is from “non-verbal” cues. Here’s some tips that you can use right away to improve your own non-verbal communication.

Start from the center

When we feel threatened, embarrassed or nervous, we tend to cover up one or more of:

• Our face, nose & mouth
• Our neck (by lowering out head)
• Our chest (by folding our arms)
• Our groin (by crossing our legs)

If you think about it, you’ll notice that all of these run in a straight line down the centre of your body. To fix this and appear more confident, think about keeping the center of your body open. Your head should be upright, your back straight, legs comfortably apart and your hands by your sides.

Hold your drink by your side

As in the first tip above,we tend to cover our chests when we feel nervous or threatened. Head to any bar or club on a Saturday night and you’ll see hoards of men standing around with their drinks across their chests like a kind of protective shield. If you want to appear more confident, hold yours low and by your side.

Smile

Confident guys who are successful with women tend to smile a lot, so if you want to have the appearance of being one of these guys you should do the same. Smiling’s contagious, so if you’re smiling, it’s likely she will be too.

Use eye contact, but don’t stare

Maintain eye contact with her as you talk and if she’s in a group, move your eyes from one person’s to the next. If you’re not used to doing this, choose one eye and focus on it as you and her are talking. Be careful not to stare though, that can be creepy!

Don’t lean in

Next time you’re out at a bar or club, watch some of the guys that are trying to pick up girls. Most men tend to lean in towards the girl they have their eye on far more than they actually need to. Although I do recommend not being afraid to be a little physical early on, there’s no need to lean towards her unnecessarily.

Remember the quote from the Tao of Steve “We pursue that which retreats from us”. Leaning in communicates that you are chasing her. Not doing it subtly suggests that you are “retreating”.

Keep those hands still!

Another sign that you are lacking confidence is excessively fidgeting and gesturing with your hands. When we’re nervous, we tend to move around a lot more than we normally would, as we’re afraid of losing the other person’s attention. So, if you don’t gesticulate wildly and keep your hands relatively still, it will help to communicate confidence.

A little trick – hook your thumbs in your back pockets. This has the extra benefit of making you lean back slightly, and you remember that leaning in too much is bad right?

Good, confident body language is far more important than the words you use when trying to attract women. Start using the tips above straight away and you should see a big difference in the way girls act around you.

Tags: attracting women, body language, confidence