Starting Conversations on the Tube
Posted by Darren Deller |
When I started this blog, I promised I wouldn’t write a “sorry I haven’t posted for a while” post and here we are – sorry I haven’t posted for a while….
Lots of exciting stuff’s been happening over here at The Social Coach though and there’s some great stuff to come your way, so keep reading. Until then, here’s a guest article from my good friend Peter Sheriff over at Love Systems on how to meet women on public transport.
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Hey,
I’m Peter Sheriff, a Senior Instructor for Love Systems. Last weekend I had the pleasure of spending time with Darren (The Social Coach)- my former wing, and a veritable expert on all things dating.
We were talking about dating ‘problems’ that arise for guys based in London – and a recurring one seems to be chatting up girls on The Tube (the subway, for you Americans), or on buses, or at the gym, or really anywhere where you have a girl who’s a captive audience.
If you rush straight in when she first sits down next to you, you can seem a bit too keen, but if you wait until you’ve been sitting next to her for a few minutes, it can look like you’ve been working up the courage to talk to her. Obviously, neither is optimal.
What you want is an approach that combines the best of both worlds – makes you look like you had the balls to talk to her, while not seeming too keen. Here’s the basic formula:
Make a (funny) observational comment as soon as you see her – and then shut up! Reinitiate the conversation a few minutes later, by asking her opinion on something.
You want to get in to a situation where you have SOME dialogue, but you don’t wanna be that guy hitting on her as soon as she sits down. It’s a bit like touching a girl: you want to start doing it early and often in the interaction, so that there’s never an uncomfortable “oh no, we’re getting initimate” moment.
If you’ve not said anything to her, and you’ve been sitting next to her for ten minutes, it’s going to sound a little contrived if I out of the blue start up the conversation by asking her opinion on something. If we have some momentum, it makes it much more natural.
Let’s take some real-world examples. Let’s start off with some generic ‘observational’ comments:
On the tube: “Christ, that’s a huge bag – have you a gun in there?”
On the plan: “Aw, I was going to steal your pillow and blanket and make a nest”
On the bus: (to a girl wearing a huge coat) “Wow, were you expecting a hurricane or something?”
None of this stuff is needy or rapport-seeking – it’s random observations, a little cocky and funny, that don’t need a reply beyond her giggling, or a one word response.
Now sit back, and do other stuff for a little while. If at all possible, talk to other people around you. Look out the window. You’ve broken the ice, it’s not going to look like you were too much of a pussy to talk to her – you’re just going to look not needy. Don’t be dogmatic or weird about this. If she continues the conversation, don’t run away from that, but: otherwise, put some space in.
A few minutes later (or if you’re on a LONG journey, you can wait a bit longer), you can reinitiate the conversation – perhaps ask her opinion on something, or ask her about her day -
On the tube: “The person who was sat there before you tried to convince me to become a Hare Krishna – you’re not a Scientologist are you?”
On the plane: “I’m a terrible flyer, so if I grab on to your arm as we take off, I’d just like to apologise in advance”
On the night bus at 2am: “Been anywhere nice? Let me guess, you’ve been to some trendy Soho bar…”
You’ve started a conversation naturally, without seeming needy, and without seeming like you were working up the courage to talk to her. Like everything Darren teaches, it’s about making small adjustments to your approach to make everything seem natural and flow smoothly, rather than about learning some magical “pickup lines”. But like everything else, it won’t have any effect unless you try it – give it a go today!
photo by Extra Medium
Tags: approaching, meeting women, public transport
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