Playing hard to get – lessons from the Tao of Steve

I was just watching one of my favourite movies, The Tao of Steve. In case you haven’t seen it, it’s a comedy about an overweight, underachieving guy who has developed a system for seducing women. It’s pretty funny, I’d recommend you watch it. Take a look at this clip and then read my thoughts below on how the “Tao” has some truth if you want to get good at dating women.

OK, it’s a comedy and not real-life but if you want to attract quality women, there is some relevance to this. “The Tao of Steve” has three rules:

  1. Be desireless
  2. Be excellent
  3. Be gone

In this clip the protagonist, Dex, is explaining Rule number 3 – be gone. He sums it up in a quote from Martin Heidegger, the German Philosopher:

“We pursue that which retreats from us.”

Before you start taking this too literally, I’m not saying you should start running away from the girls you’re attracted to. But, if you meet a girl and it’s too obvious that you’re attracted and are you seem like you’ll be an “easy catch” for her, you probably want to rethink your approach. Here’s a few quick things you can start with straight away.

Don’t compliment her too much, or too early on

If she’s physically attractive, she’s likely to know that already. She probably also gets told how hot she is by several guys every day, as well as being ogled at as she walks down the street. Don’t be that guy. If you want to let her know that you dig her without appearing too needy, find one non-physical thing you like about her and tell her that, sincerely. Just don’t overdo it.

Always leave on a high

A lot of guys make the mistake of approaching a girl in the street or in a bar, getting on well and then hanging around for too long in the hope that something might happen. If it’s clear that things are not going any further there and then, be the first to cut things short and leave. Make sure you have her phone number first of course….

Don’t phone her every day

As a general rule with phoning girls, leave it at least a day, preferably two days before you call her. If you’re not sure what to say, read my article on what to say when you phone a girl. Never phone her more than once every two or three days at the most. And always be the first to end the call.

Don’t be too eager when you kiss

When guys kiss a girl the first time, many fall into the trap of franticallly trying to get more and more physical, just short of clubbing her over the head and dragging her back to their cave. Better to kiss her well, then push her away just when she’s enjoying it a bit too much. Teasing is a good thing. Overeagerness isn’t.

So, if you’re ever in doubt of what to do next time you meet a cute girl, just remember the three rules from the Tao of Steve – be desireless, be excellent, and be gone.

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