In his great book Influence: Science and Practice, one of Robert Cialdini’s “weapons of influence” was Social Proof. Simply put, people want things that other people like them want, and will tend to base their behaviour on what others are doing. So, how does this translate into the world of dating and meeting women?

In an earlier article, I talked about what women find attractive in a man. Unlike men, who largely want women that look good with great figures and pretty faces, women tend to look for non-physical attributes in men. Girls want to know that a guy is successful, ambitious confident and has a great sense of humor. So, us guys can just look at a women and weigh up how attractive she is. For women, it’s a bit more complicated and she needs to find out a bit more about you first.

Imagine a girl is out in a bar and sees two guys. They are both presentable, carry an air of confidence and look like they could be fun to talk to. One of them is exclusively with male friends, the other is with two attractive women, who are both laughing at his jokes and seem to be flirting with him.

If she has a choice to get to know just one of them, which do you think she would choose?

If a guy appears to have lots of women that are into him, other girls will make that assumption that he must be attractive in some way.

Some evolutionary psychologists believe that women use cues from other girls to decide whether a man is attractive or not. It’s a kind of shortcut – she could spend time talking to lots of men to find out what they are like, or she could make an assumption based on how other women act around the men she sees. After all, if lots of other women find a man attractive, he probably is, right?

Here are a few tips on how you can use this to your advantage when out meeting women.

Work the room

If you are just out with guys, don’t hang around in the corner drinking beer all night. Work the room a bit, and be seen talking to girls through the night. Don’t be the sleazy guy who tries to drunkenly pick up every girl in the room though. Be seen as the friendly, sociable guy who’s fun to be around.

The great thing about this is, if girls see you talking to other women in the bar or wherever you are, they won’t know that you don’t know them already. I’ll often introduce two girls I’ve met that night as my “friend”. The fact that you’ve only been friends for an hour or so doesn’t need to matter.

Be the centre of attention

If you’re talking to a group of girls, or even a mixed group of men and women, try to position yourself in the centre of the group so that everyone is looking toward you. If there’s a bar or wall nearby, lean against it so that others are surrounding you. If you’re seated, sit in a central spot preferably with your back to the wall, so that everyone looking in towards you. This will have the subtle effect of others seeing you as the centre of the group, just the kind of person that women are attracted to.

Start your conversation indirectly

Sometimes, you will see a girl you like, but it’s difficult to talk to her because she’s in a difficult to reach place, or she’s in a big group of people. Try,starting a conversation with some girls near her, then introducing her to your newly found friends. “Hey, we were just talking about X, what do you think?” is an easy opening line you can use to do this.

Go out with female friends

If you find that you’re spending most of your nights out with a big crowd of male friends, try inviting out a few female friends for a change and see how differently women act around you. I’ll be quite open with my girlfriends and give them tips on how they can help me to pull. If you’re chatting up a group of girls, have one of your female friends come over and check if you want a drink, or just to chat for a few minutes, and then leave you to it. Also, ask them to talk you up to any girls that you introduce them to. Don’t be too overzealous though – I once had a female friend come running over to me in a bar when I was with a particularly attractive girl and announce unprompted “Hey, this is my friend Darren! He’s the best guy in the world ever!” Just a few subtle comments about how cool you are, when introduced to the group would be better.

Avoid looking like a stag party

If you don’t have a huge crowd of female friends you can invite out, try to limit the number of guys you go out with when you’re out to meet women. There’s nothing more unnatractive than 15 drunk guys hanging round and drinking beer in the corner of the club. If there are only 2 or 3 of you, it’s a lot easier to add women to your group as the night goes on.

Get your female friends to do the work for you

It’s a lot easier for a girl to start a conversation with another girl than it is for you. Be honest with your female friends about what you want and get them to start the talking. Tell them to avoid anything like “My friend over there fancies you” though. Tell them to keep it neutral and just introduce you so you can work your magic.

Being seen as someone that gets lots of female attention is one of the most powerful thigns you can do to increase your success with women and dating. Try it out and see – and remember, if you don’t have an extensive list of female friends to hang out with, go out and find some tonight.

Tags: dating, female psychology, meeting women, social proof

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| Comments (0) | April 3rd, 2009