One of the questions I often ask guys that I teach how to meet women is “what do you find attractive in a woman?” Unsurprisingly, the list we end up with is almost always similar, and looks something like:

• good skin
• clean, healthy hair
• good body (although usually in more graphic terms!)
• pretty face
• youthful looking

I then ask the “what do you think women find attractive in men?” We usually get a very different list this time, along the lines of:

• confidence
• financially stable
• funny
• socially connected
• tall and strong
• ambitious and passionate

These are just examples, but you get the idea. Interestingly in The Evolution of Desire by David M Buss, his research shows a similar list of for what men and women look for in a partner. If you take a look at any internet dating site, you’ll find that men’s adverts focus on the physical type of woman they want, whereas women’s ads mention things like “financially secure”, “good sense of humour” and “ambitious”.

Simply put, men (at least initially) mainly look for physical traits and women largely look for behavioural traits.

So, how does this help you to meet more women?

Well, imagine a gorgeous girl walked into the room you are in right now, wearing a skimpy bikini and a smile. How long does it take you to decide if you fancy her? Probably less than a second, right? It’s not like you have a list of attractive attributes which you tick off in your mind – “Let me see, she’s got smooth skin, good symetrical features, decent hip-waist ratio. Hmmm, yep i think she’s quite attractive.”

It all just happens instinctively, in an instant.

Well, guess what? The same goes for women, only the things they look for are different. If you act like a confident, socially aware guy, who’s fun to be around and seems like he’s going places, or already got there, she’ll be attracted to you.

For a man, if a woman looks the way that beautiful women look, he will be attracted to her and there’s nothing he can do about it. In the same way, if a man acts in the way that attractive men act, women will be attracted to him, and there’s nothing she can do about it.
Next time you’re out, look at the men who have beautiful women around them. How do they act? How is different to how you act? How can you act more like them?

In future articles we’ll look at some of these behaviours that make men attractive to women, and how you can make them your own.

Tags: dating, female psychology

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| Comments (1) | March 23rd, 2009